As I walked this morning, I thought about where this life’s journey has taken me.  My journey began on a small farm in Vermont surrounded by a large extended family in an idyllic setting full of farm animals with time to explore and play make believe.  In this world, I could invent heroes and villains and, since it was only me, no one was hurt.  The Lord was just another piece of my world, not understood but there.

This changed quickly when my family moved to a suburb in Connecticut and we had to adjust to having close neighbors and more noise and distractions.  With more people came less alone time.  Others started to have a greater influence on my thinking and school replaced the farm as my playground.  This was a playground that had many people in it instead of just me, a playground that tried to change me and make me conform to their views of the world and this was where my quest to search for and get to know the Lord began.

Through high school my goal was to make people happy while finding my path through life.  I thought I could reconcile my competitive nature with my understanding of God and His love for the world.  I firmly believed that victory at any cost, that winning by beating down the other guy was an acceptable way to live.  Then life intervened.

The next forty years saw me find the love of my life, raise children, work at many jobs still trying to win on my own and finally losing my wife to a heart attack.  Through all of this, I was not a bad person, in fact, as I look back I tried very hard to do the right thing.  My efforts were my own and not sufficient to the task and when I realized this, I also realized that I needed help.

And then is when God intervened.  When I called out to Him, not ‘why did my wife die?’, not ‘how do I survive this?’, rather ‘Lord, I can no longer do this alone, please help me.’ I finally humbled myself before the Lord.  I finally put the will of God before the will of Carl.

When I started to ask His will, His advice, and waiting for His answer, my life changed… I changed.  Instead of seeking answers, I sought direction.  Instead of seeking advice, I sought marching orders.  Instead of looking to the future, I started looking at today… and today is terrific.  But today is another story.